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- Photo: Ed Yourdon / Flickr
We’ve all heard the term ‘emotional baggage’. But what is it exactly? Is it possible to identify and rid ourselves of it? How much damage can it do to our relationships? How does it impact our ability to move on after unpleasant experiences and live meaningful, happy lives? Countless self-help authors and motivational speakers have released bestselling books and DVDs on the topic. We distil some of their wisdom.
There is no secret to happiness
Emotional baggage includes hurts, grudges, anger, pain and resentment we hold onto for hours, days, weeks, months or even years. Think of a suitcase which is divided into a number of compartments. Each compartment is associated with a person with whom you have a relationship, romantic or otherwise. Every time they hurt or anger you or cause you to have feelings of guilt and remorse, their compartment fills up.
Your emotional suitcase is heavy to lug around. If it’s filled with hurts and resentments, you’ll likely find yourself tired and sluggish a lot of the time. You feel more and more resentful of the weight that you are stuck with. You are unhappy and depressed. The truth is, happiness is as simple as learning to regularly and constantly let go of emotional baggage.
Over time, your emotional suitcase bulges and cannot contain anymore. If you’re not careful, eventually your suitcase will burst at the most inopportune moment. And the casualties around you will not necessarily be the people whose compartments overflowed.
Before everything bursts
One effective way of preventing your suitcase from bursting is to do a regular emotional inventory. A thorough examination of your emotional mindset and the health of your various relationships will make sure that you catch any signs of stress and pressure early. And once you know that there is problem, you are able to act upon that information and make the necessary changes in order to lighten your load.
There are three main elements to this examination. When you realise that there is something wrong in a relationship and you decide to put an end to it or at least to put it on hold, you should clearly declare this ending.
You must then spend some time examining and reflecting upon the relationship that has ended to figure out what went wrong. This is important because even if the relationship does not survive, if you don’t know what mistakes you made, you will repeat them in the next relationship.
Once you know what went wrong, you are able to decide whether the relationship can be saved and made stronger, with some changes or whether it has to definitely be set aside. Whatever decision you make, be sure to really leave your emotional baggage behind you. You have closed that door firmly and should not under any circumstances open it again. Regrets and grudges only serve to weigh down your emotional suitcase.
Take some time out
- Photo: meganpru / Flickr
So take a deep breath and run yourself a relaxing bubble bath. Afterwards, sit down in a quiet space. You can even light some scented candles and put on some purely instrumental music in the background.
Write down all the thoughts that you associate with every meaningful relationship in your life and evaluate each and every one of them. Describe how the relationship is and how you would like it to be. You should then figure out what part you can play in order for the relationship to meet its potential, and how you can approach the other person.
Remember that only you are able to control your actions and feelings. The rest is up to the other person. If they are not willing to cooperate, it’s a good bet that you should put an end to the relationship and empty your suitcase of that emotional baggage.
This is an exercise that might take you a few days but if you carry out this emotional inventory regularly, you’ll be able to pick up issues earlier and fix them quickly.
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