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There’s no foolproof prescription for happiness, unfortunately. But there are things we can do to make positive change in our lives – and ourselves – that will help us be happier in future. As everyone is different, with a unique combination of genes, experiences and relationships that shape us, there’s no one-size-fits-all recipe for feeling good. There are some therapeutic principles, though, that will benefit just about everyone. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry, author of Couch Fiction, shared her four top tips for happiness with The Guardian.

A good relationship

According to Perry, everyone should have at least one good relationship in their life. She’s not talking romantic attachments, but rather any kind of relationship that nurtures you. A relationship that makes you feel safe, with someone you can trust, and one that you have chosen to be in. ‘We are formed in relationship – so the easiest way to re-form is in a relationship,’ she says.

Observe yourself

Work on developing your self-observation skills. Healthy self-observation is constructive rather than judgemental. It allows you to identify and experience emotions so that you can deal with them healthily. Perry suggests keeping a diary or meditating as a way to develop this skill.

Good stress

Good stress – not the kind that causes anxiety – helps the brain develop new connections. A ‘plastic’ brain that’s constantly exercised is the best tool for self-development and growth, as it will more easily take on new thought patterns. Learning a skill like playing a musical instrument or taking a short course offered by a local university, besides giving you a sense of accomplishment, will help you replace negative learnt behaviour with healthy alternatives.

The way you see your self

Perry says that, as much of our sense of self is developed pre-verbally, we’re not always aware of the beliefs we live by. Viewing your life from a fresh perspective will help you let go of the fixed ways you define yourself. Think of beliefs that can be expressed starting with ‘I’m the kind of person who…’ or ‘I always….’ Let go any negative ideas you hold onto and replace them with positive thoughts. In time, viewing yourself positively will become automatic.

‘These four processes are a framework for change. The content will always be different for each individual. Finding out about that content and how to change it? Over to you,’ says Perry.

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