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At one point or another, you might come across a person that can be described as passive-aggressive. You simply never know where you stand with these people. They are very difficult to deal with and often leave you feeling as though you’ve been on a roller-coaster. One moment they become enraged and the next, they behave as sweetly as if nothing had happened. You might think you are crazy and perhaps imagining things. You’re not. They are generally masters at disguising their hostility.

Undercover operator

A passive-aggressive person will generally use subtle methods in order to undermine orders given to them. She might appear as though she will comply with your request and will give you the impression that she will cooperate with you. But the end results tell a different story.

There will be pattern to be found in her behaviour and interactions with others. She is probably a very angry person inside, but she is unable to express it properly and constructively. Instead of letting her emotions out and communicating clearly, she’ll attempt to take control of situations in a passive manner. She will be very manipulative.

Although you might come across such people in your family, you’ll also find them at the office. Perhaps it’s a co-worker or your boss or even a subordinate. Such behaviour can have an enormously negative impact on your productivity as well as the quality of your work. You need to nip this in the bud as soon as you become aware of it.

Counter-attack mission

Passive-aggressive people are usually ‘shy’: they operate much better on a one-on-one basis. So whether it’s at home or at the office, get a witness to your conversations and agreements. In addition, record and put everything down in black and white, via email for example. This way, you’ll be able to expose any act of manipulation she may come up with.

When you feel up to it, and after you’ve gathered enough proof, you should definitely confront the person. They might not stop their negative behaviour but they’ll at least be aware that someone else is onto them.

Stay focused

When dealing with a passive-aggressive person, you’ll get frustrated and you’ll be subjected to sarcasm. Her procrastination and stubbornness will make you angry. Her negative attitude to life, general paranoia and over-sensitive nature will bring you to tears.

You should not accept the responsibility she passes off. Her inability to take responsibility for her happiness will be blamed on everybody and you might be a target. Any help or suggestions you provide will be swiftly discarded.

But there are things you can do to keep your sanity. Don’t get entangled in their mind games. Don’t allow them to get under your skin. Once you show irritation, you lose the ability to effectively spot their manipulative behaviour. Remain calm. Easier said than done, but let them talk. Once they’ve run out of excuses, state quietly all the instances of counter-productive behaviour you have caught them in. Finally, turn the tables on them and ask them to come up with a solution to the problem between you. If they cannot, be on your way and let them know that you can see right through them.

Tags: social skills