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If you’ve clashed with a friend, a family member, work colleague or your partner, you may feel that it’s difficult if not impossible to reconcile. As challenging as it is, making amends can open up a world of self-discovery. But first, one must discover one’s own personal role in the conflict. Secondly, accept that the other person may not be able to make amends, which will make reconciliation that much harder. Whatever the outcome, your attempts will give you the opportunity of deeper self-knowledge.

Timing and readiness

If you have a genuine, deep-seated desire to move forward, you can start by looking at the role you played in the breakup or breakdown. If, on the other hand, you feel that the rupture is justified, you probably aren’t looking to reconcile. If this is the case, your emotional reactions may interfere with the process.

When you expect somebody else to take full responsibility for what happened, you might end up with a recycling of the original conflict. Reactionary behaviour can put the other person on the defensive. It would be preferable to hold off from attempts at re-uniting until such time as the pain and feelings of aggression have dissipated.

When you’re able to view things in an objective way and accept some of the responsibility, you’ll be in a better position to make amends. It’s important to realise that children and teenagers don’t necessarily have fully developed reasoning, in which case it may be better to avoid revisiting a particular problem.

Making amends or moving on

If you feel you’re ready to reconcile, begin by asking yourself what you think needs to change. Is a change in behaviour required? Are there better ways to relate? If there is a need for change, identify if this change is going to be possible.

If your attempts are met with failure, you shouldn’t regret that you tried. You’ve sincerely done your best and you’ve stretched your mind in the process. You’ll be in a better position to let go of any remaining bonds of anger and resentment and seize the opportunity to embrace a new life.

Tags: lifestyle